This International Women's Day, Let Young Women Speak

by Connie Sobczak, co-founder of The Body Positive, originally published here.In honor of International Women’s Day on March 8th, I want to share the words of Athena Nair, a high school senior. I met Athena last fall when her school hired us to do a Be Body Positive Facilitator Training. Athena is a passionate and powerful human being who has come home to her body. I have chills from head to toe as I share Athena’s words with you!

Part One.

To All the Girls I’ve Been Before:I accept you. You’ve been in my life maybe for a few years,maybe just on and off when you feel like it, but whether I like itor not, you girls are all a part of me.Here’s my bubbly, sappy, grateful exterior.Not far below, I’m kind of emo.Those of you who have spent time with me have seen this girl,perhaps more frequently recently. She writes cringey, emotional songsthat are hidden away in a Google Drive folder. You don’t see this girlall the time because we’re so pressured to be happy but stressed,“a perfect mess”. But emo me, I love you for being in touch with the upsand downs, (mostly the downs), of life.I’m a dancer, a singer, an actor.Those of you who have had even one conversation with me andheard me rave about Queen Beyonce or reference Les Mis know this girl.She has passion in her eyes, joy in her smile: a theatre nerd.She’s a hopeless romantic, who secretly loves Shawn Mendes.You don’t always see her. She’s surrounded by so many messagesabout all the ways her love for the arts is “unuseful” and means that she’ll be“unsuccessful”. “Try coding!” (I have.) But musical me, I love youfor your playlists for every mood and your firecracker footworkand the scrunched up face you make when you sing.I’m a brown woman.Those of you who have seen me see thisright away. This girl has dark skin, a lot of hair: an Indian girl.She has coconut oil, spice tolerance, and spunky strengthflowing through her veins. You don’t see her all the time becauseshe’s heard all the ways her skin is “dirty” and “wrong”.Sometimes she’s the only person of color in a room. Sometimesshe feels like she can’t stand up to a racially insensitivecomment because she’ll just look like an “angry brown girl”. Butbrown me, I love you for your skin that refuses to sunburnand your clothes that make you sparkle on the dance floor.I’m queer.Those of you who have known me for awhile haveseen this as soon as I assess whether or not I can trust you withthis piece of my identity. This girl has pride in her heart, love inher soul: a queer girl. You don’t see her all the time becauseshe’s heard about all the ways her love for girls is “abnormal”and something she’ll “grow out of”. But queer me, I love you foryour rainbow self that makes you love people of all kinds.

Which brings me to Part Two:

To All the Girls I’ve Loved (not just romantically) Before:I accept you. You’ve been in my life maybe for a few years,maybe just on and off when you feel like it, but whether I like itor not, you girls are all a part of me.To my mom:You’ve raised me to love my thick body with thick skin becauseof all the ways it moves on the dance floor. You’ve raised me tonever forget where I come from. I love you for all the waysyou’ve sacrificed so much to be here.To my musical idols, Tori Kelly, Beyonce, and recently ArianaGrande after her single thank u, next:I feel like God made me sexy, like girls run the world,like a dangerous woman because of y’all.To my gay awakening, Stella Yamada played by Hayley Kiyoko in‍Lemonade Mouth:You opened me up to a whole new world.To the only brown girl in the movies I know, Mo Banjaree playedby Naomi Scott in Lemonade Mouth:Your hit solo She’s So Gone will forever be my jam.To my future Peter Kavinsky...Scratch that. Zoe O recently saidthat apparently, I am the sweet and sensitive jock that is PeterKavinsky from To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. I totally see it!Good hair, jock in the theatre world, writes great loveletters...ANYWAY. To my future Lara Jean:I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to get to know all of your layers,and for you to know all of mine. It may take a while for us to meet,but I know I won’t forget the day you reverse your car right into me in aparking lot. I love you for all of you, or at least, I will.And to Athena.I know you’ve been thinking a lot aboutunconditional love. And it makes sense...we think “unconditionallove” is a standard, something to be expected. But love with noconditions is hard to come by. Unconditional love means loving someoneeven if they’re mentally ill, or even if they’re gay, evenif they hurt you, even if they flunk out of school, even if theydon’t talk to you for months, even if they end up in jail. It’s noteasy for a lot of people. And Athena, I hope to God, Dumbledore,Jeff Bezos, or whoever controls the universe, that your Lara Jeanloves you unconditionally. But if not, I’ll learn to. ‘Cause youtaught me love, you taught me patience, you handle pain, andyou turned out amazing. Thank u, next.‍If you are a young person or you have a young person in your life who is struggling with body issues, I encourage you to take steps to create a Body Positive environment in you/their home and school community. Write to me at info@thebodypositive.org if you want to discuss how to make this happen, or check out the next facilitator training being hosted for us in Tacoma, WA on April 13-14.